Self-compassion is the practise of relating to ourselves kindly. It is offering that same level of comfort and support to ourselves that we would so freely give to another in their time of need.
We are often more cruel to ourselves than someone else could ever be. We judge and criticise ourselves and beat ourselves up for mistakes that we make and for things we did or didn't do. Sometimes I think we are meaner to ourselves than we would be even to someone who we don't like!
Perhaps we think that self-criticism is a better motivator than self-compassion? That we are deserving of such punishment and if we are horrible to ourselves we will somehow do better. Research shows that the opposite is true.
When we criticize ourselves, we tap into our bodies threat system. That reptilian part of our brain that reacts with the fight, flight, freeze or fawn response when we feel threatened or stressed. Cortisal is dumped into our body, readying us to keep ourselves safe. But when we self-criticise we are not only the attacker, we are also the attacked!!!
As mammals our bodies are also programmed to respond to warmth, gentle touch, and the soothing of soft vocalisations. If we are able to offer ourselves that kind of comfort, we can reduce our stress and cortisol levels and start to release oxytocin, a feel-good chemical instead. When we feel safe and comforted we are actually in a better position to handle what life throws at us.
I'm sure you know how to be a good friend to others. That you have it within you to be gentle and reassuring, or to offer kindness to someone when they're in need. I invite you to be self-aware in the days and weeks ahead. Catch yourself when you notice the negative internal dialogue. Offer yourself encouragement, comfort and reasurrance instead. See if you can be that beautiful friend to yourself.
Emma x
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